beach photo: Bibbie Friman

Since today, the longest romantic relationship I had with a man, lasted for about  two years. People around me wondered if I was too arrogant, had too high an expectation, if I was too strong and threatening a woman or if I was simply ‘relationship-handicapped’. Social judgements can be very cruel but the self-judgements usually even top them. Today I think most of us are ‘relationship-handicapped’, not really able to fully relate, to deeply connect to ourselves, others and the earth we live on with body, mind, heart and Soul

After many years of more or less desperate search for ‘just the right man’, I started with becoming more intimate with myself, befriending my fears, my longings, my traumas, my dreams. I learned to feel them, to express them in dance, drawing, writing, I learned to discover and share more of my authentic self. It is a beautiful journey and Movement Medicine, a dance practise I discovered as just the Medicine I need,  is a great support. Part of it was to discover what hidden belief-systems kept me from bringing more of myself into relationship. For example that I was not allowed to be in Love or that something bad would happen to my family of origin if I stepped into having my own family. The ways of the unconscious minds are deep and dark. Another part was to release the stored tensions and blockages in my body, to remember how to dance my vulnerability, my deep softness and gentleness. It’s an ongoing challenge. So easily, I do fall back into withdrawing or disconnecting. I discovered my sensuality and high sensitivity and how gentle and sensible a man I needed. I needed time, patience and just the right conditions. I needed to know what supports my body and heart to open up, to soften, to relax. I needed to unite my passionate sexual fire with the very delicate, fragile waters within me.